Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
