I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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