no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
