I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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