Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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