I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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