First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
