Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
