im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
