My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
barbara walters just said penis...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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