Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
