The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
