What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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