i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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