I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no you cant smoke seaweed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
