I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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