if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
