So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
