You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
