just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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