I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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