Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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