so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
