Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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