I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
