Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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