I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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