ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
