It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
