too bad you live with your parents still
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
