i love accidental penises.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
