i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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