five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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