do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
