Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
