Your mouth is God's brothel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize