Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
