bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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