i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I intend to get homeless drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
