I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
