Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
