I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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