I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
