Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
