I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
