I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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