I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize