Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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