Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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