Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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