So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
