I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
