im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
