Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
