there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
