After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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