I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm at about main and main street
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
