he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
