you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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