And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
