I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we should paint friendship bongs
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