Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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