There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its liver damage thursday
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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