Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Still dying that you shit outside
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
