Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
