She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
