Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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