I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
