he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
