Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
