He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
