Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
